Allison's morning

Posting this because I don't want to forget it.

Diana dropped Allison off at school yesterday, and this was their conversation in the car.  (SorLisa is Allison's brown teddy bear).

A: "Oh, I forgot SorLisa.  I told her I would bring her in the car so we could play after school. Can I go get her please?"
D: "Well, mommy will be home late and I don't want SorLisa to be stuck in my car."
A: "Oh, okay, that is fine.  Can I go tell her though, she doesn't know that."
D: "Okay."  So we go back inside the house.  She runs to her room and I listen in.

A: "SorLisa, I am so sorry sweetie but I cannot take you in the car today because mommy will be home later.  But don't worry you have all these other sleep friends to play with." *pause* "Oh, no don't worry, I won't be lonely without you.  Mommy and Bork are going to be in the car with me."  then she runs back outside.

Diana went out to dinner with a friend last night, so I took Allison to her swimming lesson, then we went out to dinner, then frozen yogurt, then home.  When we got home, Allison ran inside and told SorLisa that she was sorry she was gone so long, and that we went out to ice cream and she hoped SorLisa didn't miss her.

CUTE!

Hi Blog

I haven't forgotten about you.

Allison is almost four.  She's very sweet most of the time, and when she's not, she's at least less of a snot than she used to be.  For the most part, we don't see the arms crossed and angry stomp-offs that used to be pretty common.

My second sabbatical has come and gone, with trips to Montana and Santa Ynez and Santa Barbara, along with a couple Disneyland trips and lots of beach days.

I've played a lot of TF2, and have only made slight progress on a new Xbox game.

Life is good.  More details later.

"Climbed"

Every night, Diana goes in and reads with Allison in her bed. When she says goodnight and leaves, Diana leaves a pile of books on Allison’s bed. I come in and cuddle and talk and say goodnight, and we recite the sleep rules.

Since she has heard the books so many times, she has them memorized. Diana was amazed when Allison “read” a 60 page book to her, completely from memory (granted, there’s not that many words per page, but still… 60 pages!)

The other night, she called me in “for one LAST question.” She was reading her Winnie the Pooh book, and it said “Winnie the Pooh climbed…” She pointed at the word “climbed”, and said “KUH - LUH - EYE - EMM…. Bed? Why does it say ‘bed’?”

I had to explain the silent ‘b’ in “climbed”, and, once again, cursed English for being so difficult.

BUTTER!

Allison randomly shouted "BUTTER!" at lunch today. When we asked why, she pointed at the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" spray, and said there was an exclamation point, so "we say it loud."

Yesterday, at Legoland, she noticed the elephant statue. It was squirting water out of it's trunk, but when it dipped it's head, it didn't actually dip its trunk back in the water. She was a little indignant and wondered how it was squirting water without filling back up again.

She's a pretty clever kid.

Recently, I posted an a link to an article on Facebook called "Why I Don't Put Pictures of my Kids Online".  The article didn't directly speak for me, but made several salient points that I generally agreed with.

When a friend expressed some interest in my position, I told shared the full story, which I will share with you now.

When Allison was born, as an immensely proud new parent, I wanted to share her pictures with everyone we knew.  The easiest way to do this would be to put them in some public place online (like this blog).  That was certainly easier than sending out mass emails, or sharing passwords to a locked site, or whatever.

Diana pushed back against sharing pictures publicly with a certain amount of vigor.  She said things that I didn't really understand at the time, about ownership of your own image and that we should respect Allison's privacy, and things like that.  I looked at our newborn baby, and then at my wife, thinking she was clearly crazy.  Allison was just a baby!  How could she possible know or care if we put her pictures online?!  So I attempted to mount a counterargument...

... and I came up with nothing.

I couldn't come up with a single good reason why it was a good idea to publish her baby pictures online.  The best reason I could come up with was that it was slightly more convenient for me.

That was kind of sobering.

On the other side of the coin, I could come up with at least a few reasons why it seemed like a bad idea.  I'm not actively concerned about child predators, but some people think that's reason enough.  I've heard stories of images scraped from blogs and used for commercial purposes.  Unlikely, I guess, but possible.

But most importantly, the more I thought about it, the more Diana's original position (or at least my own interpretation of it) started to make sense in my own mind.  Allison might not want her pictures online.  It took a few years for that to actually make sense.

The idea of a newborn, or even a three year old, making rational decisions about privacy and posting pictures online is obviously ridiculous.  As a baby, we made literally every decision in Allison's life.  Now, as a three year old, we make the vast majority of decisions for her, but fewer than before.  For example, we may decide that she needs to wear a jacket, but she can decide which one.  As she gets older, we'll make fewer and fewer decisions, and she'll take more ownership of her own life and choices.  That's what growing up is all about.

At some point in time, she'll come to realize what it means to post pictures online for the world to see.  And it's possible that she'd come to the realization that we've posted all her pictures, from slobbering baby to awkward teenager, for the entire world to see, and be horrified that we'd done that without her permission(though more likely, she'll say "Gawd, Dad... you're SO lame!").  At the very least, I think it's far more likely that she'd have negative feelings about it than positive ("Gee Dad!  I'm so glad you put all these pictures up!  You're awesome!").

That doesn't mean that I'm afraid of making unpopular decisions.  Far from it.  But if she did feel betrayed or embarrassed about it, I'd at least like to have some justification.  And that's the entire point... I have none.

When she gets to that age and decides that she wants her baby pictures online, then she can do that.  But she's not ready to make those choices yet, so we make it for her, and that answer obviously coincides with our own values.

It's hard to project a little girls feelings forward, so maybe this is a better example:  On a whim, you google your own name, and find that I've posted a picture on my blog from a beach party.  You're wearing a bathing suit, and it was before you'd dropped 30 pounds.  You're eyes are half open, and you're in the middle of taking a bite of cake.  Whatever.  Suffice to say, you don't think it's a flattering picture.  You look again, and realize that this picture has been up publicly for the last five years.  Would you care?

The answer to that question is personal.  Some people are "open books" and wouldn't care at all.  Others are more concerned with image and privacy and might care.  Others would be horrified and outraged.  It just depends on how you feel about these kinds of things.

My point is we don't know what Allison's views are on the subject yet, so it seems natural to make the choice that is the least likely to be painful, and also the easiest to reverse.  (That's the other crazy thing about the internet... Once things are posted online, it's extremely easy to lose control of them.  Taking pictures down after they are released might not be as easy as it sounds.)

The "public" part is really actually key.  We DO share her pictures privately with friends and family.  That might even be hypocritical, given the reasons above, but I'm more prepared to defend a position of "we share pictures of our kids with our friends" than "we share pictures of our kids with everyone in the world."

I fully realize that we are in the vast minority in this opinion.  The internet is paved with pictures of your kids and pets.  Everyone does it, and here's my guess why:

1)  You don't care about your own privacy as much as I care about mine.  And you assume your kids won't either.  I think this is a personal opinion that everyone makes for themselves.

2)  My family is extremely small.  It's easy for me to manage sharing pictures privately with just a few people.  You might have a audience, so you get more value from having a single place to post pictures.  Even if you are somewhat against sharing pictures online, this convenience might sufficiently tip the scale in the other direction.

3)  You simply don't think about these kinds of things.  I think this is probably the case with most people.  They either don't care, or figure they'll deal with that bridge when they get to it, or don't even think it's worth thinking about in the first place.

4)  Something else?

So, to sum up.

I can come up with reasons why I'm uncomfortable posting pictures publicly.  These reasons might be unlikely, or far fetched, but I don't think they are completely bogus.
I can't come up with any good reasons why I should.
So the choice is pretty clear.

I'm still mounting that argument against Diana, so if you can point out a flaw in my thinking, please let me know!

So much to write about, so little time...

So many things going on these days, but so little time to write.

We visited Dave and Elaine and Ben and Julia in Maryland a few weeks ago, and the trip was fabulous.  Easy plane rides, and a wonderful visit.  It was Allison's first time meeting Julia, and they had a great time together.

Since getting home from Maryland, we cracked down a little on Allison and bedtime rules.  The "Sleep Rules" were instituted, and we review them every night.  I say the chorus, and Allison chimes in with the counterpoint.

"You need to stay in your bed..."
"... except to go potty!"
"... and you need to stay quiet..."
"... but I can talk to myself or my sleep friends!"
"... and you can't call for Mommy or Daddy.  We want to be alone."

As long as those rules are followed, she can leave her light on and read in bed.  Breaking the rules results in lights out and no more playing/reading.

Bedtime used to be an ordeal, with constant visits and calling for us between about 7:30pm and upwards of 10pm.  It's much, much better now.  In general, Allison seems happier and healthier, more polite, and just riding a crest of being a good, happy, sweet kid.  She's just great.

She's also extremely thoughtful.  We have quiet car rides a lot, and she'll bust out with all kinds of questions.  Diana sent me some from today:

A:  Is the blue part hard or soft?
D:  Blue part of what?
A:  The sky

 

A:  Do people who don't talk have nice manners?
D:  What are you thinking about?
A:  One time when I was riding the smooth escalators, I moved over for a man but he did not say anything.  does he know how to say 'thank you'?  (This was from our trip to Maryland, when she spent a lot of time on the moving sidewalks in the airport).

A:  Mommy, I wish three things.

D:  What are they?
A:  I wish that I can have special eyes to see underwater like Ariel, and I wish to see a broken rainbow and a jumping river (images from the Dreamsack book)

She's a good ship...  She can get a little dramatic though, at times, when things don't go her way.  She'll say coldly "I don't want to talk to you", and whip her head around, nose high in the air, and stomp off.  Not sure exactly where that came from.  It would be aggravating, but it's so cute. 

In entertainment news:

Reading: 
Song of Fire and Ice (aka "Game of Thrones") Book 2: Clash of Kings  Awesome.

Watching: 
Game of Thrones on HBO.  Awesome.  Survivor.  Also awesome.

Playing: 
I finished Portal 2.  Only took a few play sessions, but was pretty fun.  Diana and I have played a bit of the coop, but only a few levels.  I'm waiting for the PSN to come back up, and maybe can hook up with Baditude, or take it over to Mike's or something.

Programming:
Bad Golf has sold a total of around 1700 copies, netting a total of just over $1100.  It still sells a copy or two per day, but it's pretty much dead.

Luckily, I'm just putting the finishing touches on "Battle for Venga Island"!  I hope to have that all ready to wrap and ship within a week or so.  It's a bit more ambitious of a project, with a bit more risk/reward factor, so I really have no idea how it will perform.  But it's been fun to work on, and I think has some originality to it that hasn't been done before on the XBLIG system. 



And... I'm out.

Three and a half

Allison is three and a half.

 

It's a little overwhelming to try to summarize Allison at this point.  She's in a weird grey area of not quite being a "kid", but not much of a "toddler" anymore, either.  I'm not exactly sure what those labels mean, and maybe our whole childhoods (or lives) are just one big grey area of development.

 

We were at my parents house recently, and being a half-year milestone, we measured her height.  She's grown about two inches since her third birthday, and a little over four inches in the past year.  Crazy.  We frequently note to ourselves how long she looks when she's lying in the bathtub.

 

She's had a lot of emotional growth in these past months.  Her imagination is growing, and she plays out little scenes with her toys.  Favorite toys these days are little girl and mermaid toys, but she still hauls around Ramone from Cars and other stuff animals.  She's still part-time at Dorrie's house, and part time at preschool.  The latter has been a bit easier since she made friends with a girl named Jordyn, and the report is that they're inseparable.  So that's nice.

 

She can sound out many basic words (like HAT, TOP, CAT, DOG, etc), but has understandable trouble with things like "TAPE", where the silent E adjust the vowel sound.  The more I try to teach English, the more messed up I realize it is.  Too many exceptions to the rules.

 

She's getting a flair for the dramatic.  She might ask if she can play with the iPad (for example), and if I say no, she'll pout and cross her arms and whimper "I guess I'll NEVER play again" and stomp off to her room to sulk.  This only lasts a minute or so before she reappears again.

 

Though she was sick recently, she's never had any real concerning health issues, thank goodness.  She has a second cousin who has really critical health problems, and that it puts Allison's coughs and runny nose in real perspective.

 

We have an upcoming visit to go see Dave and Elaine and her cousins in a week or so, and that should be a fun adventure.

 

 

 

Teacher conference

Diana met with Allison's preschool teachers today for a little status update.

The news is all generally good. Allison is a very bright little girl. She
knows all her letters by sight, as well as recognizes numbers up to 20 (except
for 12 and 19, apparently), and colors and shapes. She's a good listener, and
follows directions well. At circle time, she doesn't volunteer much on her
own, but will respond in unison with the rest of the class, and answer direct
questions.

She's getting more comfortable playing with others, but also values her time
alone on the playground. It's natural for kids her age to push boundaries and
break rules, and the teacher was a little concerned that Allison wasn't doing
that, but Diana assured her that she was at home. The teacher also noted that
she saw Allison climbing a tree, which is against the rules, and was so happy
to see that that she turned her back and let her do it. I thought that was
cute.

She said other little things, like that Allison will proudly show off her Cars
shirt or socks, and stuff like that that puts my mind a little more at ease
that she's comfortable and herself at school. She's starting to initiate play
with others (ie: "There's a monster! Oh no, we should run away!"), which was
welcome news. She's sometimes sad when we drop her off, and it's easy to
imagine her miserable and suffering all day. It was refreshing to hear that
she's not.

One suggested take-away was to help Allison be a little more of an advocate for
herself. She'll sometimes suffer in silence instead of asking for help.

On a side note, I noticed some relatively new development the other night in
the shower. She frequently plays with her little dinosaur figures, and wants
them to talk to each other and play hide-and-seek or whatever. Normally, she
acts out one part, and wants me to be the other one. The other night was the
first time I remember her acting out both sides of an imaginary dialogue
between her toys. She doesn't spend a whole lot of time playing on her own, so
I thought this was a welcome step in that direction.

Not much other news. This weekend was a little bit of a roller coaster. On
Saturday morning, I took her to track class, where she again broke down in
tears and wanted to go home. We left, and I don't think we're going to be
going back. It's all activities that she likes doing, but I think it's just a
little too overwhelming at this point. I sometimes forget that she's still
pretty young. When we got home, she kind of crashed in Diana's arms, and Diana
noted that Allison felt pretty warm. She definitely had a mild fever, and we
gave her some medicine and had a quiet afternoon. Sunday was the Superbowl,
and we had been talking up going over to Norm and Teri's house and playing with
all the kids over there, so I was pretty bummed that she was sick. I figured
that unless she was 100% healthy, she'd have to stay home.

Surprisingly, the next morning, she woke up happy and bright-eyed without any
fever, and has remained healthy since. So I guess she was just fighting
something off on Saturday and won the battle. That morning, we met my parents
for breakfast, and then went to the local park and launched rockets! That was
a lot of fun. Then home for naptime and over to the Hamson's for the
Superbowl.

I wasn't concerned about Allison at the Hamson's house, but really curious how
she'd fit in with the boys. She's traditionally been pretty wary of older,
relatively loud, active boys. Jaxon and Landon are already friends, and Tyler
and Colton are used to being around their older brothers, so she started out a
bit of an odd man out. But she did fine, either playing by herself or with
Tyler. At halftime, I went out and played with all the kids, chasing and
playing on the big jumpy slide, and she was really happy with that, shrieking
me and telling me who I should chase next. When we left, she was all fired up
to call and invite them to play again. Really cute.

Every day, Diana and I love her more and more. She's such a fun little person.

Bad Golf Post Mortem

So the cool thing that developers do when they release a game is do a "Post
Mortem". I'm not cool, but I want to be, so here I go.

Bad Golf was released on 12/24/2010. According to my notes, I started it near
the end of September, so that's almost three months of development (with some
pretty long stretches of inactivity in December). Actually, it was in peer
review for a while, so call it two months.

What Went Right:

I used two external libraries, the Farseer Physics Engine, and the Mercury
Particle Engine. Both of them I'd tinkered around with previously, and I had
pretty a pretty good handle on both going into the project. I've also spent a
LOT of time developing my own base game library. I didn't end up using most of
that, but it made it really easy to do all the menu screens and stuff.

Farseer has a "Texture To Physics" routine that basically takes a picture and
turns it into a physical object. This was huge. This meant that I could do all
my level design in Paint.NET, and didn't have to create a separate level
creation tool.

The Mercury Particle Engine is great. For the last two courses, I added a
"snow" and "rain" effect at the last minute. Easy peasy.

The original plan for the game (and hence the name) was to do a "fighting golf
game". Players would control little onscreen golfers who would hit their shots,
and then fight while running to their balls to hit their next shot. I like this
idea, but I quickly came up against some tough design issues. For example, I
liked having "islands in the sky" types of levels. How would the players
traverse the landscape when there were vertical cliffs, or how would they jump
up to an island? After getting the basic mechanic of aiming and hitting the
ball, I ditched the whole fighting idea.

Having a really tight design concept was important. I could always see the game
in my head (probably mostly because it was so heavily copied from Stick Golf for
the iPad). So the main concept and vision was always there. I just needed to
fill in the code.

It probably goes without saying, because I didn't really have a choice, but
using XNA worked great. I borrowed an Xbox from work, and all the deployment
and testing worked really well right out of the box. I got some good feedback
in playtesting, and the peer review process was generally good (but slow, as I
was so anxious to get it out!)

I was able to find some really good free images and sounds to use for menus and
whatnot.

Finally, I think my ability to compromise was huge. I realized Bad Golf wasn't
perfect, but also that it never would be. I constantly told myself that I was
just doing this for the experience of it all, and that it was OK to make
compromises if it moved me forward.

When you release an Xbox Indie Game, people download it for free as a Trial
version. They can play the game for eight minutes, and you can control what
content they see and do not see. After eight minutes, a popup comes up that
says "You can either quit or by the game". If they quit, they can start up for
another eight minutes, or if they buy the game, they immediately continue
playing. I initially was only going to have one course in the trial version, as
well as restricting the ability to save high scores. This would allow players
to play some of the game, and see other courses that were locked.

What I figured, though, was that it takes about 4-5 minutes to play through the
first course. I ended up releasing two courses for free. This would mean that
the player would play through the first course, and then start up the second
one, and hopefully be most of the way through it when the eight minutes
expired. It's really important, I think, to know exactly where the player is
when that timer comes up. You want them to be right in the middle of something
important, and not just sitting at a menu screen.

What Didn't Work

Art. I'm a horrible artist, and my attempts to enlist help in this area were
not very successful. Eryn was unfortunately too busy to help (and I'm not sure,
in all actuality, if he would have been able to do the amount of work that I
wanted without hating me). I posted on some message board and got some help
from a student in Germany, but just got the gut feeling that it wasn't going to
work out. I had to awkwardly "break up" with him, and I feel bad for that.

I finally was able to get some halfway decent stuff together, and with the help
of Photoshop's pre-built filters (drop shadows, etc) finally just said "screw
it" and forged ahead.

If I'd known how important cover art would be, I would have spent a little more
time on it. It's totally cheap, but I've noticed the games that feature a hot
chick on the front get a lot of attention. Am I beyond appealing to this kind
of base instinct? I'm not sure.

Level Design. Good, not great. Bad Golf has four courses of nine holes each.
I really wanted each course to have a distinct personality, and while I think
that succeeded, it was hard to come up with that many creative layouts. I
really like some holes, but on the whole, feel pretty blah about most of them.

The Bottom Line

Never owning an Xbox or being part of that scene, I really had no idea what to
expect with regard to sales. I just didn't want to lose money on the whole
venture, which means I'd need to sell like 130 copies. Actually, you only get
paid once you make over $150, so I needed to sell even more than that!
Thankfully, I surpassed that after only a day or two, and from then on, it was
all gravy. This has the unfortunate effect of setting my expectations much
higher for whatever my next game is.

Period Statistics (Dec 24 – Jan 16)
Trials: 6435
Purchases: 1300
Purchase/Trial Ratio: 20.20%

I figured out Excel.