It was when Diana was still pregnant that the idea of raising a girl and the gender issues that may follow hit home.
I remember visiting a bookstore. I was in the magazine section, and there was a mother and her little girl (three or four years old) looking at magazines. While the mom was looking at some magazine on the top shelf, the girl was looking at the covers of the magazines at her eye level. Those magazines were fashion magazines like “Elle” and “Vogue” and whatever other magazines feature airbrushed models in high fashion clothes. We’ve all heard the concept about “the media” telling out little girls how they are supposed to look, but in that one moment, it really kind of hit home. And it wasn’t even my own daughter!
It’s been interesting to observe the kind of comments Allison gets. Some of my friends have young boys, and there have been good-natured jokes about potential future relationships. We get many comments about her looks, even from strangers on the street. I tell her how cute she is all the time.
I never thought much of it before, but as time passes, I can’t help but wonder what the cumulative effect of those comments might be. I realize it’s WAY to early to be starting to worry about this kind of thing, but by the same token, I’m surprised at how early people wonder who her first boyfriend will be, or how she’ll look in a bikini.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this. Is it bad to comment that she’s cute? No, absolutely not. I just want to make sure she’s on the right course from the start, as it seems far easier to do that than to try to make major course corrections later on. And I guess I’m afraid that potentially years of constantly hearing “You look so pretty in that dress!” could get her on a course which I don’t think is the best.
But on the other hand, seriously, what the hell do I know about any of this? Someone help me out, here…
4 comments:
I don't have any answers, but this is something that I've been having sort of an ongoing mental struggle with since we found out we were having a girl.
Someone gave us a little t-shirt for her that says, "Does this diaper make my butt look big?", and while the initial response is to laugh and think, "Oh, that's cute," I really am not sure if I'm OK with her wearing that. It just kind of perpetuates a bad body image.
Good questions. No answers. We tell our boys that they look cute all the time, tempered with discussions about their giant heads. We also tell them that real men don't cry. ( Not really. )
Maybe you should totally zag. Get pictures of really unattractive people and surround Allie with those. Just as an experiment.
"Does this diaper make my butt look big?"
Perfect example.
My advice? Roll with it for now and react when you see signs you think will lead to harmful gender bias. You have the power, at least in the beginning, to filter out the media junk coming in. You can also present healthy was to present topics of beauty and appearance with the books you read her, and the conversations you can have later on as the topics arise in daily life. Then you'll be set until she turns 12 and revolts from everything you've taught her:)
Kinda vague advice, I guess. I won't be quitting my dayjob or anything. So far I really enjoy having a daughter and am playing up the "you're so cute" card to the hilt before she can understand me and start getting a big head about it.
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