Magic.

I've been (doing?performing?practicing? I'm not sure what the right verb is) magic for the past 15 years or so, off and on. I always liked magic, and it started when I got a great book for Christmas (Mark Wilson's book, which might just be called "Magic", is a great book for beginners). I then took some classes at a local magic shop, and bought more books and practiced, practiced, practiced! I've probably spent hundreds of hours in front of a mirror practicing various slights and tricks and so forth. And when I'd get a new one down, I'd go and show my mom. This in itself was frusterating, because her skill at catching how a trick was done was exactly proportional to my skill as a magician. She politely humor me, which would only motivate me to practice it a little more. When I did fool her, I knew I was doing well.

The problem is that I hate performing magic tricks. I get nervous and full shaky-hands, which is bad enough. And after the trick is done, I don't know how to deal with the reactions people have. People want me to do it again (rule #3 of magicians is you don't repeat a trick). People want me to tell 'em how it's done (rule #1, natch). People are impressed and shower me with praise. All of which make me very uncomfortable.

I'm actually a lot better with a couple of drinks in me. Clears up the nervousness, loosens up the muscles a little bit.

I'm totally not a ham, or an actor, or a dramatist or whatever. I do have quite an ego, and love to impress people, (some people call it "showing off"), but I like to do so in a roundabout way, I guess. I'd rather be juggling off by myself somewhere, and have someone happen to see me and be impressed than to gather everyone around and say "Look at what I can do!" and perform. If that makes sense.

I love, however, the tricks themselves. I love doing 'moves'. I have some videos that I brought out the other day, and have been practicing my Classic Pass. A lot. I carry a deck of cards around with me at work, pass, pass, pass.

So. Such are the conundrums in my life.